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Don't get me wrong. Casual dating is great right now. It is SUMMER. I'm a pretty lady, brunette, tall, Caucasian. Casual dating is fine for now, right? Wrong. So very, very wrong. Relaxing at home a couple nights back and look up to spot what I can only assume is a mouse - which I can totally handle, heck even cohabitate with. And what else could be an inch and a half long and at least an inch tall with visible legs? I'll tell you what: The LARGEST FUCKING COCKROACH I have ever seen in my entire life. And trust.this is Texas.we have all seenkilled a lot of waterbugs. They love come inside and suck up our AC. I tried to catch it under a bowl but only nipped it mid-section. I thought it was dead (ha!) but, when I moved the bowl it bolted under my very low-to-the-ground-crammed-with-random-crap bed. UNDER MY FUCKING BED. GREAT. I thought I was going to have to stay with friends. I thought I was going to have to fucking move out. But then it emerged. It was so god damn big I HEARD it scuttle out and caught it. (Yes, I screamed like a little girl.) Good, right? So now what? I have a mouse-sized cockroach under a Pyrex salad bowl in the middle of my floor and we are on day three. I can't ask a booty-call to handle this.totally not part of the job description. I called a male friend to help and he told me to let it starve. Starve?!? It's a fucking roach, a monster roach, a 900 year-old SUPER ROACH. This is not something you can squish with a paper towel. I don't even think you could step on it.ugh. In fact, I'm a little worried it might lift the bowl while I'm away. This bitch needs to be slammed with a rubber mallet. So.for the first time in a year I totally miss having a boyfriend. Fuck the drama, late-night jealous "where are you" calls, and panic attacks my last one gave me. I need a dude willing to drop everything to come over and kill that fucking roach. For that matter, I also need a boyfriend to fix an electrical outlet on an old lamp, and fine-tune a stereo problem I am having. Crap, this sucks.

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